I never done a blog before but maybe it will be good therapy and a release of thoughts and emotions that have been bottled in. I am not trying to make this for a english paper so bare with my randomness if you do so choose to read which i doubt anyone actually will ever even see this. How does life sometimes sling shot you from one familiar safe area to a place that is so unknown and scary at times. This past year has probably been the biggest changes of my entire life. I may not always make the best damn decisions but i do know my heart is true and i have always reached out to help anyone and try my best to be a friend to all those around me yet in return i never felt so abandoned and alone as i do now. 2 divorces over this past year, losing my house, being forced by my own choice cause i felt like i had no other alternative so had to get a new career, going from having many friends and active social life to now noone at all except the very few and far between times maybe every few months i migh see a friend, not getting to see my daughter everyday, and really dont know when last time was that i truly smiled. But in the midst of all this i still get up every morning and just keep hoping and believing there is a purpose for me. my 2nd divorce really confused me and took me on a roller coaster of things i had never had to deal with before and put me into a person that is shy and unsure about things when i used to be very head strong and confident. I am sure if anyone were to read this they probably tell me to shutup and quit whining but whatever its my blog. I guess the only good thing that sorta happen is no longer having that void and finally got a little closure with my dad who i not spoke to in years, at least only good still left from jill. i also had a great first wife but we have so many differences and just no matter how many times we try it still comes down to we are just very different people but i am very blessed that she is a great mother to my daughter. It gets old sitting day in and day out in this silent house or just sitting outside in a blank stare. How do you start over in your 30's from scratch? i am still trying to figure that one out and so far not found anyone able to advise.. well i am done writing for now but maybe i start doing this once a week. I just pray God sends some good decent people my way soon. I could really use a few days at the beach to relax but just dont see that happening this year at all.
